IRON MOUNTAIN — After years of watching whitetail deer occupy lawns, devour landscaping and stroll through residential neighborhoods with the confidence of animals who have never paid a property tax, Iron Mountain City Manager Jordan Stanchina has decided enough is enough.
The city has discussed ways to control its increasingly comfortable urban deer population, but Stanchina appears prepared to take the matter one step further: leading the counteroffensive himself.
Witnesses reported seeing the city manager emerge from City Hall Tuesday dressed in full camouflage, blaze-orange cap firmly in place and wielding a crossbow loaded with a flaming arrow.
He did not appear to be heading to a meeting.
For years, Iron Mountain’s deer have enjoyed nearly uncontested control of portions of the city, eating gardens, stripping shrubs and occasionally standing in the middle of streets while motorists wait for them to conclude whatever business they apparently have there.
Those days may be numbered.
Stanchina, normally tasked with budgets, infrastructure and the routine machinery of municipal government, now finds himself on the front line of a conflict nobody expected him to fight.
By midmorning, the city manager had reportedly established a defensive position near City Hall, where several whitetails were spotted probing the perimeter. Employees watched from the windows as Stanchina crouched behind a planter, flaming arrow illuminating his determined face while a large buck stared back from across the lawn.
For several tense moments, neither side moved.
Then the buck ate a hosta.
That may have been a mistake.
Sources inside City Hall say Stanchina has begun studying the animals’ movements, feeding routes and known strongholds as Iron Mountain considers broader options for reducing the herd. Residents are advised not to interfere should they encounter the city manager moving through downtown brush in full camouflage.
The deer, meanwhile, have shown no indication they intend to surrender.
As darkness fell Tuesday, Stanchina was reportedly still holding his position outside City Hall, crossbow in hand, flaming arrow at the ready and the quiet determination of a man prepared to defend every flower bed in Iron Mountain.
Somewhere beyond the tree line, a buck snorted.
Stanchina tightened his grip.
The war had begun.
