Another week has successfully concluded across Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, meaning police officers wrote reports, firefighters responded to things that weren’t supposed to be on fire, and dispatchers answered at least a few calls beginning with:
“Okay… this is gonna sound kinda weird.”
Here’s what kept the lights flashing around da Yoop this week:
DICKINSON COUNTY — POLICE CAMERAS TOLD TO FLOCK OFF
Law enforcement agencies in Dickinson County have discontinued their use of Flock automated license-plate-reader cameras.
The cameras automatically read license plates to help locate vehicles of interest.
Unfortunately, this represented a dangerous technological advancement in a region where vehicle identification has worked perfectly well for generations:
“Yeah, that’s Randy’s truck.”
Authorities can now return to the U.P.’s traditional surveillance network: bartenders, retired guys sitting at McDonald’s, and one woman on Facebook who somehow knows exactly whose truck was outside the Krist station at 11:47 Tuesday night.
ISHPEMING — FIRE DEPARTMENT GETS A TRUCK BUILT DURING THE CURRENT CENTURY
The Ishpeming City Fire Department received a new pumper truck, replacing equipment that included trucks 21 and 31 years old.
The 31-year-old truck will presumably spend retirement behind somebody’s pole barn next to a 1997 Polaris Indy and three snowblowers that “just need the carbs cleaned.”
GWINN — RESIDENTS VOLUNTARILY APPROACH POLICE
Gwinn held its National Night Out Saturday, giving residents an opportunity to meet police officers, firefighters and EMTs when nobody had crashed anything, lost anything or punched anybody.
“So I just walk up to the cop?”
Yep.
“Even though I ain’t done nothing?”
Correct.
“Seems like a trap.”
The event also included a helicopter, thereby rendering approximately six months of planning for every other children’s activity completely irrelevant.
HOUGHTON COUNTY — A SERIOUS REMINDER ON U.S. 41
A crash involving motorcycles and a passenger vehicle on U.S. 41 resulted in two deaths.
No joke on this one.
Summer puts motorcycles, tourists, construction, campers and heavy traffic on U.P. highways at the same time. Give motorcycles room, look twice before pulling out and slow down.
Getting somewhere five minutes sooner isn’t worth somebody not getting home.
CORNELL — POLICE ENCOUNTER THE “25 OR MORE ANIMALS” CATEGORY
Two Cornell residents were charged with animal neglect involving 25 or more animals following a Michigan State Police investigation.
The allegations themselves aren’t funny.
But discovering Michigan law apparently has a point where authorities stop individually counting goats and activate the bulk-rate criminal charge certainly wasn’t something we expected to learn this week.
MARQUETTE COUNTY — COURT ATTEMPTS RADICAL NEW METHOD CALLED “EVIDENCE”
Testimony continued in the Julie Boxley murder/arson trial in Marquette County Circuit Court involving the March fire that killed Glenn Andrews.
Because this involves an actual death and an ongoing criminal case, we’ll refrain from our customary Facebook forensic analysis, where someone studies one photograph for 14 seconds before announcing:
“I can tell you EXACTLY what happened.”
The court has instead chosen witnesses, investigators, evidence and a jury.
Controversial approach. We’ll see how it works out.
STATEWIDE — MSP RELEASES CRASH NUMBERS; U.P. MOTORISTS REVIEW LOCAL DRIVING PROCEDURES
Michigan State Police released new crash statistics showing statewide traffic fatalities declined in 2025.
U.P. motorists have responded by reaffirming our regional traffic code:
• Drive 61 mph until someone tries passing, then immediately accelerate to 74.
• Follow a logging truck for 37 miles before attempting to pass precisely when an oncoming vehicle finally appears.
• Turn signals remain optional until emotionally prepared.
• And if six fire trucks go flying past you, DO NOT follow them to see where they’re going.
That’s what Facebook is for.
That’s this week in U.P. Police & Fire.
Serving all 15 U.P. counties because apparently nobody else was willing to drive that far.
