Harbor Tower Declared Official Upper Peninsula Lighthouse
ESCANABA – Following another week of clear weather, state officials announced the Harbor Tower has officially been redesignated as a navigational aid for ships entering Little Bay de Noc.
Captains reportedly admitted they’ve been using it for years anyway.
“It’s either the Harbor Tower or Steve’s garage with the giant Packers flag,” one freighter captain explained. “This is much more professional.”
Michigan Storm Chasers Cause Beer Shortage Before First Raindrop Falls
TRENARY – Residents began panic buying immediately after spotting the Michigan Storm Chasers setting up along M-67 Sunday morning.
By noon, bottled water, Trenary Toast, beef jerky, and every case of Busch Light had reportedly disappeared from the shelves of the local Dollar General.
Officials confirmed the only thing left in stock was kale chips.
Ore Dock Added To National Register Of Things People Have Accidentally Photographed
MARQUETTE – Marquette officials estimate that 98.7% of all tourist photos taken in the city now contain at least part of the ore dock.
“It’s physically impossible to avoid,” said one visitor while unknowingly taking another picture of it.
Local photographers have reportedly started charging extra for photos without the ore dock in them.
East C Street Construction Declared Historic Landmark
IRON MOUNTAIN – Following months of water and sewer work, engineers have officially determined the construction project has existed long enough to qualify for historical preservation.
Children are now encouraged to visit with their grandparents to hear stories about “what traffic looked like before the barrels.”
GPS units have stopped offering alternate routes and now simply display:
“Figure it out.”
Pictured Rocks Visitors Continue Asking Where They Can See The Painted Ones
MUNISING – National Park employees say they continue receiving dozens of questions every week from tourists hoping to find the “actual painted rocks.”
One ranger reportedly spent twenty minutes explaining geology before a visitor asked if someone “touches them up every spring.”
Officials are considering placing a sign at the entrance reading:
“They’re naturally colorful. Bob Ross was not involved.”
Bridge Lift Delayed After Tourists Mistake It For Scheduled Entertainment
HOUGHTON – Traffic backed up Saturday after dozens of visitors parked along the waterfront believing the Portage Lift Bridge was “about to do another show.”
When informed the bridge only raises for boats, several applauded anyway.
One family reportedly asked what time the evening performance starts.
Tourists Continue Asking If They Can Walk To Canada Across the International Bridge
SAULT STE. MARIE – Traffic briefly slowed Saturday after several visitors pulled over near the Sault Ste. Marie International Bridge to ask whether pedestrians could “just walk across to grab lunch in Canada.”
Bridge personnel reportedly spent much of the afternoon explaining that crossing an international border involves slightly more paperwork than crossing the street.
One tourist was overheard asking if a passport was really necessary “if we promise to be back before dinner.”
A nearby gift shop has reportedly begun selling T-shirts reading:
“I Came To The Soo And Accidentally Tried To Enter Another Country.”
